


Replacement Goldfish

by bluejobz



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Pet Care, Comedy, Crush Fetish, Drowning, Human Pets, Human Sex Toy, Injury, More tags to be added, Other, Peril, Reader Death, Size Difference, Violence, Vore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6900004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejobz/pseuds/bluejobz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you’re looking for the self-insert fic where you woo Overlord with your spunky personality and unique look on life, look somewhere else.</p><p>Overlord wants to win a bet, and you are the replacement goldfish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement Goldfish

**Author's Note:**

> This originated from a dream. It was a pretty fucking great dream.
> 
> If you can't tell, fet. Ish. Fan. Fic. Here's the setup. Just a little animalistic dehumanization and peril for now, the really fun stuff will come later.

There was a nervous energy among all the prisoners. You kicked around in the ankle-deep sawdust litter a bit, internally bemoaning the loss of your shoes, positive you’d gotten at least twenty splinters in your bare feet. At least you still had the ripped remains of your clothes, while others were wrapped in rough ponchos that were stitched too clumsily to be made by human hands. Some people were meandering about the prison like you, shuffling around each other, migrating toward the back. Others were sitting against each other, curled up, while a few beat on the walls. You didn’t make eye contact. No one spoke.

A giant face squinted through the glass front, frowning, although it looked more like pouting. 

“You made the right choice coming here, Overlord.” Swindle slid the latch back on your cage. “All my humans are age-certified. Ones you could get anywhere, you never know, they might keel over the moment you grab them. Mine are guaranteed, with proper care, to last at least a quarter vorn.” He tilted up the lid and immediately there was a rush among the few livelier ones to climb over each other to escape; you were pushed and buffeted around. “Hey! Hey!” Swindle jostled the cube like an uncooperative vending machine and the movement knocked them down in heaps. Someone’s elbow landed hard in your gut and your eyes watered tremendously.

You couldn’t tell much from where you were lying, but you thought Overlord didn’t seem in the mood for the salesman spiel. Swindle tried to point out how the attempted escape showed how healthy and well-fed you all were. He was met with a grunt.

“I just want one that looks like this.” Overlord handed Swindle a tablet. So he wasn’t the type to care about the health of his pets. Or sapience, for that matter.

Swindle sounded confused. “I, ah, did you get this one from Black Shadow recently? Do you want a matching one? If it’s duplicates you’re after, I have a couple sets right here.”

From what you’d heard of Swindle’s grumbling, Black Shadow had started up his human-selling enterprise before Swindle had grabbed his first one. It was one hell of a surprise when you were scooped up off the street and dropped into a giant aquarium, then questioned at length about what humans ate, how much you slept on average, and if you could be kept in close quarters without killing each other.

Meanwhile, Swindle had realized Overlord’s problem. “Did you feed it?”

“Yes.” 

“Water it?” 

“ _Yes_.”

“Keep it out from underfoot?”

Overlord was silent.

“You know, I do have terrariums for that. And it includes a set of little tubes they can crawl around!” Swindle began to pull a thick catalog out from between your cage and the smaller one next to it, which held a few horses.

Overlord snorted. “I’m not paying your prices for stupid gimmicks just to keep a human alive for three more Earth weeks.”

“Well, you know, that’s why humans are great starters. They only need as much work as you want to put into them.” Swindle examined the tablet closely, then put his hand in the cage and stirred around a bit. People went sprawling. “And if you discover, maybe after a couple mishaps, that you’ve gotten the hang of humans, you could try something with a greater challenge level!”

Swindle’s fingers eventually found your arm and pulled. You went up, out of the cage, the other faces shrinking downward, looks of pity and fear following you. Kicking your legs didn’t solve a thing as Overlord scrutinized you, Swindle holding the tablet up for comparison. After it felt like the rest of your body would fall off your arm, Overlord nodded and Swindle handed the tablet back.

“Now, you get a free transport container with the purchase of your first human, as well as a bag of feed - make sure you get the human on a regular schedule and buy more when you run out, and give it water with every meal.” You were dropped into a smaller clear cube and Swindle slapped the lid on as you looked up at the finger holes, judging if you could jump that far. “And don’t use the ocean water, a lot of mechs have found that out the hard way.” Overlord was looking over a pamphlet Swindle had handed him, which was probably titled ‘Tips and Tricks for Killing Pets Less Quickly.’

“So… you want to make Black Shadow think you didn’t squish your old human? I’m sure he probably expected it - no offense!” Swindle held his hands up like they could shield him from someone easily twice his size.

Overlord didn’t look more offended than he had at the idea that he would actually pay for a human cage, but he seemed to concentrate on the pamphlet more. “He did expect it, in fact. We made a bet that I couldn’t keep a human alive for an Earth month or longer, and I don’t intend to lose.”

Swindle apparently didn’t know when to shut up, and rubbed his hands together. “Ah, the old switcheroo! Always happy to help out in a little underhanded play, perhaps for a cut of the take?” He withered as Overlord gave him a  _look_. “Ah, forget the cut, forget the cut. Unfortunately I don’t have any other humans that look much like this one, so unless I come into possession of a few more within the time limit, you’re flat out of luck, my friend.”

You were barely paying attention to the unhealthy conversation, outside of ‘probably going to die sometime in the next three weeks,’ and you made a leap at the holes in the lid. Your fingertips caught the edge, but your weight pulled you back down to the floor.

It was too bad your effort didn’t go unnoticed. Overlord batted at the box with speed you didn’t expect from a massive robot, and it tumbled side over side, leaving you dazed and winded on what was the top of the cube, now flat on the table. As you tried to frantically suck in air and make sure nothing was broken, you realized with despair that the holes were too small to fit through anyway.

“Stop that. Behave,” you heard as you rolled over, coming face to fat smirking lips with your new owner, as Swindle cringed in the background.

Your odds looked bad.

**Author's Note:**

> You're one to talk about stupid gimmicks, fatlips. Good god I love you.


End file.
